Burn, Baby Burn

Every Fourth of July I watch people light $500 on fire like it’s some kind of patriotic sacrifice.

Big-ass boxes of “AMERICAN FREEDOM XL” fireworks stacked in the trunk like they’re stockpiling for the apocalypse… all so they can make the sky flash for 8 seconds and piss off every dog within a three-mile radius.

Listen, who am I to judge? Light ‘em up if it makes you feel alive. I don’t give a shit.

Just seems like a lot of cash to spend to freak out half the animals in your neighborhood when you could’ve just let the city shoot ‘em off for free.

But hey… Happy Birthday, America. HELL NA to wasting money on fire, but it’s your lawn, your wallet, your hangover.